Staging Yourself an Intervention

Yeah, I need to stop making bad life choices. I need to get my shit together and gain a little more self control.   I know these things take time and it's a due process, blah blah... but seriously, this weekend was too much. It wasn't a bad weekend at all, don't get me wrong... I had fun, but recently fun has been accompanied by shame and a hangover. I'm definitely at that awkward stage in life where I'm caught in between my slightly younger single friends that party all weekend, every weekend and my slightly older friends who are engaged or married and have people over for dinner on the weekends. And I'm here confused because I don't think I can keep partying the way I do, but I can't hang out by my single self all the time and be boring. This weekend was definitely a brilliant example of revelation #5 though... I have found some truly fantastic friends, whether they're younger or older, single or married.

Anyway, I'm going to paint a picture for you...
     It's a beautiful October night, a little before midnight and it's still warm outside (about 72 outside to be precise). A girl sits on a balcony reflecting on her weekend as a perfect half-moon hangs overhead an the smell of rain teases her nose, though the only moisture in the air is a very thin fog.
....Alright enough of that. It's not that fancy. My balcony has trash bags stashed on it because neither my roommate nor myself have had time to take them over to the dumpster. But the moon (though probably not exactly half) is quite perfect and orange and large and I keep looking at it like it's going to whisper some words of wisdom to me as I'm writing. In short, it's a delightful evening and probably the only fitting end to a day that didn't really go as planned, but no complaints. We'll start at the beginning of the weekend though.

Friday was a good day filled with work, work, work, and laundry. But by the time the evening rolled around, it was time to meet the girls for sushi...yum. So we went out, ate dinner, and then I made bad life choices and drank a little too much, slipped on a wet floor, and a few other things. But the highlight of my evening was gaining Duck-Duck. Duck-Duck came into my life as part of a seemingly random chain of events but the moment I saw him I just had to take him as a sign of where my future will be going. Now as a young single woman, I know that you probably aren't going to have a meaningful relationship with a guy you meet in bar (I should have reminded myself of that when G.I. Joe came along, huh?), but Duck-Duck I know is different. I don't much about him, just that some guy pulled him out of the claw machine thingy along with a multitude of other small stuffed animals and there he was before me. And I knew it was fate. Now, most of this is probably a little confusing to those of you who aren't aware of the internal battle I've been trying to dissolve recently so let me explain....

It all started about two and half years ago. I was a little bit depressed and I wasn't really sure what I was doing with my life. Mr. President and I had just broken up for the first time and I was completely devastated. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping and when I could sleep, I would have nightmares constantly... it sucked. And let me just say here that at the time, I wasn't a particularly "spiritual" person, and I've never exactly been a religious person, but I was completely lost. A young girl far away from home, with no clue what to do next. This one particular night I decided that I was fed up with the nightmares and the lack of sleep and I had no idea what to do to make it stop so I did the only thing I could think of - I prayed. Hard. I prayed for peace of mind and a good sleep and a direction. And call me crazy but I got just that. As soon as I had put it out there, this warm sensation filled my heart, my mind was quiet, and there was this little voice inside of me that told me I would be okay. I drifted off into a dreamless sleep. only to find myself awakened by who-knows-what a few hours later. It was still the middle of the night but it just hit me - the direction I asked for. I don't know where it came from, but I had a conversation with that voice inside my head:

Voice: We're going to move to Oregon.
Me: What?
Voice: Yeah, Oregon.
Me: What the hell? I've never been to Oregon, I don't even know anyone there!
Voice: So? Didn't stop you from moving to Kansas... You want a fresh start, don't you?
Me: Well, yeah...
Voice: So we're moving to Oregon.
Me: Well...okay then, sounds like a plan.

Like I said, call me crazy but ever since then, I've been determined that I will be living in Oregon. For some reason, I went ahead and moved up to Manhattan anyway, there was still a part of me that really wanted to finish school at K-State but recently I've decided that that's not meant to be. One of the good things I took out of my relationship with G.I. Joe was the fact that he's from Oregon and would talk about it all the time, which I guess rekindled my lust to just get out there. I feel like the past couple of year I've just been waiting around for things to work themselves out and that whatever happens will happen, which is very uncharacteristic of me. I've always had a plan, and a backup plan, and an emergency plan just in case but Kansas brought out the "wing-it" way of life in me and I'm apparently not very good at it. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any regrets, but it's time to move on and G.I. Joe reminded me that if you really want something you have to work for it and that's when I started looking at schools in Oregon. I narrowed it down Portland State, University of Oregon, and Oregon State. Then I started making a pro/con list which just made me more confused because it just showed me that UO is my best bet academically, but I wanted to live in Portland and I couldn't have it both ways. I hope it's starting to make sense why meeting Duck-Duck is such a big deal. If not, well... Oregon's mascot is a duck and their colors are green and yellow. Duck-Duck happens to be a yellow duck wearing a green shirt, right? So I picked him up and said, okay world... I get it. I'm going to UO. You win. I let this stuffed animal I somehow acquired in a bar be the deciding factor in one of the most important decisions of my young life (lol).

The rest of the weekend was full of my friend's recounts of my dumbass in action and lots more work. And let me tell you, when you're in a bar and grille that has no liquor license, business is slooooooow. I can't wait to be back in action next week. The bright side of being slow though, is that I had plenty of time to watch the game (way to go Wildcats!) and I had plenty of time to connect with my tables. Table of obnoxious and slightly douchey guys who tried pretending they weren't in the army - I had a lot of fun with you and I think you're all pretty alright, but try harder, and don't refer to yourself as a civilian, that just gives it away right there (besides, everyone knows I dig a military man). But seriously, come back next weekend when I'm bartending. Also, to my new friend Cory (I hope that's how you spell your name, but since we only exchanged verbally I'm not sure), if you are reading this like you said you would, let's be friends. You come back next weekend too! We'll party, but I shall do so in a more responsible manner as I have stop making bad life choices...ha.

And on that note, this post has gone on for way too long! I'll leave you with a little something that's keeping me going right now... I can't get enough of this song, even though it's a little bittersweet for me to listen to.
Dead Sea - The Lumineers


"Domestic life had never suited you like a suitcase."

It didn't suit me either.
Hearts! Miss Georgia